Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
