Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
