I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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