Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Farmville is her only friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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