I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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