he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
