so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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