shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
