He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
