it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
