i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
