I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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