i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
