I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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