I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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