Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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