I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
