turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Randomize
