Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
