bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
