OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
