Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
whose parrot is this?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
