His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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