guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
