just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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