o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
