how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
