That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
