He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
