so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
