Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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