Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
