farters have to be the big spoon...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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