I just threw up on my dentist
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
