Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
