I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You're like the curious george of whores
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
