Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Are we still banned from the library?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
