If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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