the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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