Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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