3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
