my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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