she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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