he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
