dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
