Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
