im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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