Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
