I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
