Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
