I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
